Growth is weird

It’s been six months since I last updated my journal, I stopped writing for a couple of days and that grew into a couple more and then six months. I’ve had a lot to say but couldn’t put it into words, so much has happened. This feels like a “Hey stranger” text to an ex or crush you haven’t spoken to in forever, where do I begin?

While allegedly having a fiancé (which I’m still trying to find, or am I?), a huge part of the last 192 days have been about growing in my mental, emotional, and spiritual environments.

As I look back, the first 22 years of my life were the hardest. Things were changing at such a fast pace, and I barely could keep up with everything that was happening around me. Apart from thinking I’d be married at 24, living in a mansion with a model wife and kids that look like they’d need a YouTube channel, I was winging a lot of things. I mean this worked well, look at where we are now? But eventually you hit a plateau and the things you were doing without much intention or focus suddenly aren’t giving you any results.

Before I knew it, I was in a phase of my life that felt like it was ending and needed to grow into a new phase and identity that I perceive for myself. The beauty and the curse of growth is that you can’t hold onto everything that you believe makes you happy, it will hurtfully teach you to let go of things and people, irrespective of how much you believed in them… see, you can’t experience growth by holding onto things that have found space in your life and have created a pool of comfortability - for one to truly grow, they have to be able to make space and room for what’s to come.

As weird and uncomfortable as growth feels, these are the lessons it has shared with me, and I hope they help you as you experience your journey…

Good manners never make a situation worse. If you mess up, all you gotta do is say “my bad” and people will keep it moving, a lot of times. But if you don't even acknowledge that you offended or accidentally bumped into someone, that's often gonna be your ass.

Weakness brings trouble. If people think they can take advantage of you or hurt you, they will. Human nature is fucked up like that. If you're gonna be kind, you need to be strong, because there are terrible people who will take your kindness for weakness. They will test you.

No one cares. Everyone has their own shit to deal with. When you meet and work with people who are more messed up than you—and you're already messed up—you realize your shit doesn't matter. No one really cares. Because they can't.

Dealing with trauma is a privilege. When you get into trauma comparing contests, the only way you win is to lose. When you're busy surviving, you don't have time to worry about that. Even if it's holding you back. A lot of what I witness is likely people just trying to survive the best way they know how to. Life has always been hard. I don't have any magic formula to make it easier for you to swallow the difficult parts of life. I merely have the truth, and I hope that’s enough. The truth is that trauma is a part of life. No one escapes it. Yours is not special, and neither is mine. For better or for worse.

Poverty is the root of evil. I remember I watched a pizza delivery guy get the shit beat out of him on Christmas Eve, all, so they could get like 400 bucks and a free pizza. On the micro, poverty causes crime. Like Meek Mill said, “When certain n!ggas get to starvin', know that gun gon' shine”.

Don’t rush life: You’re your only competition, as short as life may be, it can also be moderately long. You can only truly remember the moments you are present in. Enjoy the things you can only do in the current phase of your life, take that road trip, stay up late sharing stories with the humans that matter, go skydiving or climb the highest mountain. Do the things that make your soul happy, and intentionally choose yourself each day. Don’t skip up on too many experiences simply because you’re focused on your next moves… you’ll grow bitter of everyone that still seems to squeeze in so much fun while chasing their dreams, so pace yourself, some experiences are only available now.

Not everyone is gonna make it. Sometimes it's because they're just unlucky, but many times, it's because they're lazy or can't listen. You can lead a thirsty horse to water but if it's a dumbass not only will it not drink, it'll piss in it.

Celebrate the little steps: They may seem insignificant, but I’d like for you to take a breather right now and look back at how far you’ve come; how many times you had to do the little things that seemed like they weren’t taking you anywhere, look at you now? If you put together enough little steps, they take you that much closer to where you want to be, so pat yourself on the back for having come this far.

“There’s something about getting off your ass and taking responsibility that makes life more bearable. Sounds like a paradox. You’d think being stagnant and lazing around is what gives us pleasure. But no, it’s this act of voluntarily accepting responsibility (especially when you don’t want to) that counts. I suppose that’s what bearing your Cross looks like.” [One of the smartest woman I know, and yet to meet]

Do something new, and uncomfortable: Real growth is always uncomfortable. Ever heard of the saying “everything you want is on the other side of fear” as daunting as that may sound, there’s so much truth to it. I’ve promised myself to do something challenging and extremely radical for each year of my life. It’s so easy for a year to go by without it being memorable and unique… I want to have a lot of “that was the best year of my life stories” – you should too.

Remember, my name is Shelton, and I am your friend. Be good✌🏾.